"things that make me cry"

a poem for the purpose of emotional release #2

things that make me cry

Burn (the OG version) from the musical Hamilton makes me cry

Who lives, who dies, who tells your story from the musical Hamilton makes me cry

The last twenty minutes of Scarlet Heart Ryeo makes me cry

Aelin Galathynius being tortured in KoA makes me cry

Unjustly marked papers make me cry

Biased teachers make me cry

preludes and fugues make me cry

misunderstandings make me cry

waiting for season three makes me cry

pollen makes me cry

breakup scenes in romantic movies make me cry

death makes me cry

"a longing."

a poem for the purpose of emotional release #1

a 

longing.

yet the path to where—

unclear

searching, searching—

for what?

I forget.

remind me

When the camellias sing

songs of fate

ghosts, 

whisper and laugh

But it's not forever, it's now.

24 hours in 1 day. 1440 minutes in 24 hours. 86400 seconds in 1440 minutes.
Time seems to be in abundance, just like the flowers popping up and pollen spreading around currently at the blossoming of springtime. But why are we always not having enough of it? Probably because of procrastination and the watching of Netflix.

I thought about the past month, especially the time during school, and noticed recently a lot more stress that was leading to myself looking at everything in a negative view; as a burden or hard work, and I ended up watching a lot of videos and checking ig and all those social outlets. Then I look back to a year ago, where I never was a big procrastinator.

Therefore, I challenge myself to a goal for this October. (I know, I know, I never set goals) So, I thought, if I set a small task to complete every week, write a small paragraph, poem, anything about my thoughts and/or feelings on the week on this (probably) private blog, it gives me a chance for release, an outlet like a diary. It probably won't be very detailed, I think something like a short poem of a couple of words, just a brief description would be fine. Word vomits or 'stream of consciousness' will probably be used more often because I just want to write what's there in my mind instead of directing where each word should go. so... yah.

I know this goal will probably fail after a short two weeks or less (´⊙ω⊙`)！, but, like the title of this post, "But it's not forever, it's now." That quote was from Turtles All The Way Down by John Green which I read a couple of days ago. It was pretty lit! So, I guess this will be my motto for this week, because if I think now, I believe I can go on for more nows.

o-kay, so maybe I should start (i don't actually really know what i'm writing about ;)

*      *      *

detox

free, strange, new

I was I was I am.

lessons from whispering trees,

instructions from the shells of keys 

begin,

then begin.

Stream Of Consciousness

hi I feel like just doing a word vomit today after not being active for a very very long time, to say hi again!.

So lately I've been thinking about.. not exactly the meaning of life, but how the weekend went by so quickly and that if days go by like this so quickly, won't our days end very soon? I guess this is why people are always like, "Oh, live in the moment," or make the most of it or whatever. I think when i was younger, the day was so long but now its making me feel like, wow i only have a couple of years left of homework and then I'll have to go fend for myself in the big world.
I have to play piano everyday but I start to feel restless after sitting there for only a short while and sometimes I feel like I'm improving, but not? that probably doesn't make sense... but anyway, I can play the pieces and they sound right, but are they really? Piano teacher says it pretty much sucks i think. Everyone changes and i guess life just keeps going on and on and on, you probably shouldn't stay behind in the past while everything moves forward, just saying.

Now, how to make the most of our short life?

(send help in the comments if you feel like giving ideas :)

Current Obsession: Fresh off the Boat

Hulloo! Concert week is almost over! Yippee!! I mean yeah, it sure is fun, but I've had to lug my school bag + cello to my super far away classroom almost everyday. (and I always encounter steep hills -_-)
So on the holidays, I was lucky enough to be on a plane with in flight entertainment, so I stumbled upon this American comedy tv show called Fresh off the Boat. It's about these Taiwanese FOBs (people who immigrate to a foreign country and the sorts.) who move from DC to Orlando, and live in a house consisting of: 2nd generation parents; Jessica and Louis Huang, their three ABC boys, Eddie, Emery & Evan and their grandma, who only speaks to them in chinese. It's super super funny and oh my god so relatable!

I finished Tower of Dawn. It is unmissable.

Oh. and this was my Sunday lunch with me reading TOD :)

 Hi, so yes I know I didn't post last week,,,,,, sorrryyy. And no, I don't think it was because of school, even though we have our House Concerts rehearsals and stuff. (cus I'm only playing in the orchestra and helping backstage as well as being a conveyer belt thing..) And we had the usual.. Maths, English...etc..
But it was most probably because I was reading Tower of Dawn last week and was like "ONE MORE PAGE" for the whole week. I honestly couldn't make myself do something else other than read during my free time. Ya..
Anyway, did you know, that before I ever started reading the Throne of Guys.. I mean Glass series (gosh these typos!!) I always thought that Empire of Storms was the last book. Because, six is enough right?

let's talk about books. (Uh, Finally?)

January has finished (what?! already??) and I have finished... 1.2.3.4. books. I don't know? Is that a good amount or a bit slow?? My Goodreads goal is 50 books. So... 4 books x 12 months = 48books. Ok, yeah. I'm on track. Here's a sort of rundown on what I read these holidays, well, second half of holidays since I was lazy and didn't really read at the end of December.